He's here! He's here!
Jack Harrison Lovette born the 14th of June has officially made us a family of three! The past several months have been indescribable learning to raise our sweet son & now that we're shoulders deep into September I'm finally ready to share a bit of the journey. Between knock-out naps & lots of daddy duty, I finally found the time to collect a few jumbled thoughts on motherhood. I hope somehow/someway they can be encouraging to you through whatever season in life God is growing you in. A huge thank you to Tatum for documenting these first moments at home with our little one to look back on as Jack grows too big for his mama's arms.
P.S. If you'd like to order prints like the ones displayed in our home, visit the Blue Barn Print Shop & use promo code: JACK for 10% off your purchase!
(cue Jaws theme song)
Like every first time mom, I wanted to know exactly what a real contraction felt like... until the first wave of them came over me & then I wish I'd never knew. I decided early on in pregnancy not to paint a portrait of expectations, but deep inside my desire for childbirth was to do everything as natural as possible. God had a different plan. 27 long hours full of blood, sweat & tears, my bed grew wheels & off I went for a cesarean.
I remember one of the most raw moments Andrew & I shared as the doctors broke the news of an inevitable C-section when my mind, body & spirit completely fell apart. The thought had never crossed my mind with a healthy full term pregnancy... yet there we were signing the consent forms. After 24 hrs of contractions & 3hrs of pushing, i threw my head back without an ounce of hope in my heart yet, there stood Andrew with his hand in mine & prayers on his lips expressing how grateful he was that we had a medical team who knew the right decision to be made for the moment at hand... grateful. While I laid focused on my fears, asking myself "Was Jack going to be ok?" "What if something goes wrong?" "How will my body look when all is done & through?" God still faithfully made all things happen without a flaw in His design. My heart was stripped that day as I heard Jack let out his first breath of air & the moment my wet eyes met his, I knew each detail of Jack's life both in the now & forever had been assembled by God's perfect hand.
I was telling a friend just yesterday how marriage has been the best preparation for motherhood. Before Andrew & I tied the knot, I had always imagined there being this euphoric heart-bursting shift in perspective that would immediately take place after i said "i do"... like a big fairytale POOF to change me from a single woman to a wife. But, it didn't happen. Though the day we said our vows was undoubtedly the most wonderful in my life, it held no magic "click" for my heart. We smiled real big, gave each other a long smooch & celebrated our love as the same people we were. It didn't hit until we arrived home from our honeymoon that I wasn't a wife at all. I was married, yes... but I wasn't a wife. That was something I had to work at. Becoming a mother has been much the same. Although I technically brought Jack into this world, it took me weeks to be a mother to him. Honestly, the first few days I felt more like a machine than anything... with default settings to feed him every 2hrs & change his diaper when things got funky. But as time continues to go by I feel myself holding him a bit differently. My stiff & stable arms have softened to a snuggle. My prayers have switched from anxious to praise. And although there's unknowns to come that will both rise & fall, this love is more than enough to press on toward the call.
This smiley babe has produced in me all sorts of fresh perspective & the best by far is joy! The way his lips curl when he wakes up in the morning & the way his fingers trail my arm when I rock him to sleep -gosh I could just melt. But, it's in the difficult times that joy shines most bright because no matter how strong my frustrations grow in the midst of a loud cry, ruined outfit, or whatever failure I've gone through that day, it's in these moments I must throw my own will out the window. Joy is an emotion, but it's not fleeting... for me it's deeply rooted in loosing control of how I think my life should go, or Andrew's life & now Jack's little life too & instead allowing Christ lead us together through the chaos.
Prints: Blue Barn
Brush lettering: Milk & Honeycomb
Muslin Bison Swaddle: Little Unicorn